Two weeks now...

Well its two weeks since "Don't call, don't email, don't text, don't contact me" 
and so I haven't.  I was speechless when that was spat down the phone to me. 

I love her.  We had argued about why she was cross at me.  I was tired, needing sleep badly, and in no mood to be conciliatory.   Seems I had to meet her unspoken requirements on communication.  I didn't understand why she needed to be cross about this.  We were going to have a night away (yes - where hadn't been confirmed, a minor detail in my opinion given I had been busy at work and after work with kids and other stuff).

So I said I needed food (as she had said she wasn't hungry) and left saying she could track me down at my place if she cared to.  I bought some comfort food (McDonalds) and headed home, watched some TV, and went to bed.  And then I slept - A LONG TIME.  On and off through until the next afternoon.

I didn't hear the phone or the texts.  So when I got up and phoned her back, cross had become angry.  And that conversation finished with the "Don't call,..."

So, I think I'm single now.  We have argued before, and there have been some of those times where I have behaved badly by sulking, as if I was trying to punish her.  This time feels different.

I feel like this letting her go because I love her.  If she comes back then she is mine, if she stays away then she never was.

It has taken me two weeks to get this straight in my head.  Could I have acted differently, probably. Could she have acted differently, probably.  

This always makes me laugh out loud

NZ Budget coming...

The top top tax break is being revised down.

So now the various people who get to pay proportionately the smallest amount of tax are complaining that the "rich" are gaining too much.  No matter that they have been paying more of their earnings in tax than anyone else, and they consume more therefore pay more in GST etc.

When those who earn more pay more in tax, then its an "Envy Tax" regime.  The socialists amongst you consider this the redistribution of wealth.

However the social problems create an even bigger disproportionate problem.  Those who pay the least in tax, usually consume the most in government services (health, education, policing, justice, prisons, welfare benefits).  In other words, those who pay the most do not get a fair share of that contribution to the centralised services of the country!!!

Now I don't mind helping out our fellow "man" when they are down or invalided.  And if the wealthier amongst us (btw, this isn't me, I have my own tax issues...) can afford to contribute more then fine, but not so much that they would rather live in, say, Australia.  Its these wealthier people who create businesses that employ people, and spend money.  WE NEED THEM, so don't piss them off too much, because they can afford to go somewhere else

Another week begins

A quick note while I try to fire up my motivation.  Pissing down with rain, just cranked up the Air con in the office, so should start feeling warmer soon

Reading Richard Dawkins - The Selfish Gene.  Not used to reading stuff like this (documentary/non-fiction/knowledge style books) .  Interesting stuff.  I'll post some quotes from it later - things that have resonated with me.

btw:  writing here is helping me cope, so...

Makes me laugh...

TGIF

End of another week.
Tiredness seems to accumulate.
I need a big nights sleep, but will I get it.

I'm tapping away at the keyboard trying to work my way through a client job and my eyelids close and the head jerks forward, and then the sudden jolt up as the brain realises that I had just fallen asleep... so far this has happened three times in the last 30 minutes.

Maybe I should finish this job tomorrow and go home now...

So this is the end, ... or is it a beginning

Well, she said don't call, don't text, don't email, don't anything, it was fun but now its over.

Speechless, I was. And then the phone went dead.

Its been nearly 6 days since we fought. She was cross, I was tired, she said I didn't communicate, I said I didn't need to (it was only 2 days), she said I hadn't placed her high enough on my priorities, and around and around we went.

I feel like a huge hole exists inside me, not sure what to do to fill it. Have done some big runs. A run of over an hour immediately after. A 2.25 hour run the next day, and staying up late so that I sleep.

I suppose it will take a few weeks to find myself again